


We fell asleep in the sun

by agamous (apetala)



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Cristiano Ronaldo - Freeform, James Rodriguez - Freeform, James only deserves nice things okay, M/M, the au where they run youtube beauty channel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-05-09 07:51:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5531618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apetala/pseuds/agamous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU where James runs an up-and-coming beauty channel on Youtube. It's a struggle trying to create and edit content full time plus survive in Santa Monica, but James does his best. He always idolized Cristiano, who runs one of the most popular lifestyle/beauty channels on Youtube. </p><p>Of course they have to meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Buying peonies was an impulse buy that James couldn’t afford, not really. He had carefully selected his make-up products at Walgreens that he would be reviewing later, making sure it was within his budget of twenty four dollars, counted in soft, worn dollar bills. When he was doing his series of make up tutorials on ELF products it had been considerably easier to do a full face. This time, he was forced to choose between a Maybelline Fullblast mascara or a NYC bronzer, eventually picking the bronzer. His loyal little base of subscribers might rave about his beautiful dark eyes and full lashes, but James felt the most insecure about his face, still full with baby fat even at the age of twenty three. He could use the definition of the bronzer to frame his cheekbones more, so he didn’t look like a complete pudgeball.

 

But when walking past the Trader Joes that was two blocks from his place, he couldn’t help but gape at the front windows. They’d clearly received a new shipment of flowers that day, because there in the front were bundles of tight, blush pink peony buds.

 

The only thing James loved more than his new shelter cat, and generating content for his channel, was flowers. He remembered the scent of his mother’s zinnias in the front yard, bursting in waist high blooms that attracted butterflies for miles around. Flowers made him think and feel, of home, home that was thousands of miles away and which he couldn’t go back to, not for a long time yet.

 

Maybe it was the pulse of homesickness in his chest, or maybe it was the desire for something purely aesthetically beautiful, without function, a luxury in his life that was spent furiously making and editing videos, and fishing for quarters as tips at work.

 

He walked home with a bundle of twelve peonies, still in their soft buds, their verdant green smell on his hands after he put them in the biggest container he owned: an old crock pot with ivy printed on its sides.

 

Finding the last two dollars of cash he owned, he sighed as he walked out. He was excited for the peonies to bloom over the next few days, but he had to find a proper vase for them, and the cheapest option was Goodwill, which was a fifteen minute walk away.

 

James had a car, old and ratty with a suspicious rattling sound whenever he turned the AC on, but it worked. Everyone needed a car to get around Los Angeles proper, even in Santa Monica that was built compact and pedestrian friendly. But it was the day before pay day, he was on his last couple dollars, and he’d decided that it was high time he produced another video, being that his last video had been five days ago. It had come down between gas or new make up products/today’s meal.

 

 ------------------------------------------------

 

Luckily, James scored at the local Goodwill, finding a tall and elegant glass vase that looked brand new. A local retailer must have donated its unwanted goods. It was to James’s gain, and he walked home in the rapidly encroaching evening, grinning with delight while gingerly carrying the vase, wrapped in brown paper by a thoughtful cashier.

 

The part of Santa Monica James lived in was grimy and well worn, a neighborhood full of cheap donut shops and liquor stores. But in the evening light, the purpling bushes gave off a sharp fresh scent, and the bead lights of the cars going down Pico Boulevard against the mango colored sunset always made James want to spin and sway to mellow music.

 

Who cared if he was broke as shit, living in a not so great part of Los Angeles, struggling to achieve his dreams while far from his home and family? He was young, full of bright dreams, and alive.

 

To get to his place, James actually had to enter the front yard of a white derelict house that faced the street, open the side gate, and walk down the side path to reach the small two-level houses behind, enclosed in by a concrete block wall. He went up the rickety stairs, and went up to his place on the second floor.

 

James would never forget the first time he came here, finding the listing on Craigslist, and driving over to the correct address, only to be nonplussed by the white house with rusting iron grill door that the Google map directions he’d printed out insisted was the place, only it didn’t match the pictures at all. He walked up hesitantly to the door, and knocking. An older man in his late twenties opened the door, clearly hung over, looking at James curiously.

 

James stammered. “I’m sorry, is Raoul here?” Raoul was the name of the person who’d put up the Craigslist post.

 

The man looked James over slowly, with a growing smirk. He rested his hands in the doorway lazily. “No, but you can come in if you want.”

 

James could only turn a bright red and flee.

 

In his car, he’d texted Raoul a flurry of questions, which ended in an elderly man in flip flops coming out through the side gate and leading James to the right apartment. When he showed James the working kitchen, the surprisingly neat bathroom, and told him the rent, James had paid the security deposit then and there. Raoul had been living in the flat since the seventies, and thanks to local ordinances for long term renters, paid his original rent amount adjusted for inflation. James could live in the heart of the city, in a not horrible area and within his budget.

 

Walking into his apartment, James carefully set his vase down. Arranging the peonies took a few minutes of fussing, after which James had to admit made no real difference, as the stalks were still closed buds yet. The cashier had promised that they would open in only a few days.

 

Still, they had a promising look to them, and James placed it just so in the background of his room, setting it up for his next video.

 

 ------------------------------------------------

 

James was a true optimist. He had to be, moving a trans-country move from a sleepy little trailer park in Florida to the city of Los Angeles, all to pursue his dreams. He had to be, working two jobs to support himself while running his channel at the same time. He worked part time at Starbucks during peak hours, and three nights a week he did stocking at a local Big Lots warehouse.

 

Still, he couldn’t help feeling how unfair life could be right at this moment. James was working the coffee counter, five hours deep into his shift with messy hair and not a trace of bronzer left on his cheekbones, when who should walk in but freaking _Cristiano Ronaldo_.

 

Cristiano Ronaldo, affectionately known as Crispy to his fans. Who ran one of the most successful Youtube channels out there, with subscribers tuning in every day to gape at Cristiano’s flawless makeup routines that turned him into a dewy skinned, impossibly gorgeous Portuguese god. And even without makeup, his beauty still shone. James couldn’t have counted how many times he’d sighed in front of his laptop watching his lifestyle videos, wishing he could have his jawline, because _dear God_.

 

Not to mention his sinfully fit body. People were forever commenting that Cristiano could have been a world class athlete, he was so committed to his fitness.

 

Cristiano had even landed commercial contracts, most recently with a up and coming UK company committed to organic, hand made beauty products made from natural ingredients and crafted fresh in the store. One of James’s goals was to do a channel review of their products. He passed by their Los Angeles flagship store now and then and the scent wafting from the doors was nearly irresistible.

 

Cristiano was James’s introduction to creating a beauty/lifestyle channel of his own. James could never hope to attain his body, or face, or anything really. But Cristiano’s stance that men could also pursue beauty had inspired him, a pimply little tween who wanted to play dress up with his girl cousins but never had the courage to.

 

He remembered the video that had lit the dream in his heart too. Cristiano, making a simple personal video, after a vicious onslaught of Redditors had flooded his channel with ugly homophobic comments. Leo Messi, who ran an insanely popular gaming channel had mentioned in passing how he didn’t care for overly pretty boys obsessed with their looks, and had called out Cristiano in particular.

 

Cristiano, dressed in a simple heather grey bathrobe, laying back on his white couch, with his cathedral windows billowing in the soft milky light of autumn in Pasadena. He smiled tiredly, but his eyes never wavered in determination. Stating that he was doing what he loved, and how incredibly lucky he was that so many people supported him.

 

_It’s so important to do what you love to do, what you want to do. I have never felt so alive doing this, and no matter what, you must not let anyone live your life for you._

_You live your life, doing what other people expect of you, and in the end, what do you have?_

A high school senior in Florida, who had just turned in an application for the position of assistant manager for the Books-A-Million store he worked at, leaned closer to his desktop screen.

_It’s strange to say, but I’ve never been so lucky to have so many people hate me. I am lucky to have people hate me for doing what I love. I would rather it be this way, a thousand times over._

The boy in Florida wanted to go on to university, but his family didn’t have the money. And he didn’t have the scores for a scholarship either. His family urged him to stay at home and work instead. Perhaps he could take a course to be an environmental health inspector in the future.

_I live my life, the happiest I ever am, and I have no regrets._

 

A lazy, wide smile, devastating in its luminous beauty.

 

_I can only wish the same for you._

Cristiano waved, and the video cut off.

 

James had driven to Los Angeles a week and a half later, to the general horror and confusion of his family.

 

 ------------------------------------------------

 

James could only stare as Cristiano ( _Please don’t call him Crispy by accident_ James told himself) strode up to the counter.

 

“…What can I do for you?” James managed. A little squeaky at the beginning, but a solid sentence.

 

Cristiano looked _good._ He was wearing a sleek dark turtleneck, paired with muted dark jeans with really nice dark boots. A soft ox-blood red cashmere scarf was carelessly thrown around his shoulders. James would have killed someone for a hairbrush right then so he could at least not look completely horrible in front of his idol.

 

Cristiano pursed his lips, scanning the boards behind James. “Hm...It’s hard to choose. Sorry for the wait.” His eyes flickered down to meet James’s. “What would you recommend?”

 

“Um…” James sputtered, his head blank of any coffee names. “Well….”

 

Seriously, he was drawing a huge blank and he was turning red in front of Cristiano and all the people in this store. He looked like a drooling idiot. His co-worker beside him stared at him curiously.

 

Cristiano didn’t seem to look awkward at all, or even discomforted. Instead, he stared at James, with a slowly breaking grin on his face.

 

“…The peppermint mocha is good...” James had spun around to look at the holiday drink board behind him, and had rattled off the first one.

 

“Are you James Rodriguez?”

 

James’s heart stopped, and so did time.

 

Cristiano Ronaldo knew who he was.

 

Cristiano was laughing and holding out his hand. Head spinning in unreality, James hesitantly took it to shake. Cristiano’s hand was warm and dry, and he could feel the strength of his bones as they shook in greeting.

 

“I know you from your channel! I see you all the time from my subscribers. You’re very talented.”

 

“…Thank you? That’s really kind, but it’s really nothing compared to your content?” James blabbered, cringing at his words as it left his mouth. Now he sounded like an insecure idiot.

 

Cristiano laughed. “No, really! My channel is more about lifestyle anyways. There’s no doubt you’re going to be really popular one day. You’re a natural beauty.”

 

James didn’t think it was possible, but his mind was utterly wiped blank from the praise. His hero. Cristiano Ronaldo. Thought he was pretty.

 

“Oh, and I really liked your last video by the way.” Cristiano continued with an easy smile. “You had peonies in your room. They were a nice touch.”

 

“….but I love your apartment? You always have white magnolias in the background. And your taste in interior decoration is just perfect. My room can’t compare.” James couldn’t control his words at all now. “And your dogs are all so adorable. I wish my apartment allowed dogs.”

 

Cristiano chuckled. “I love them too. They’re the best part of my life honestly.” Cristiano’s phone chirped suddenly, and he looked down to check it. “Oh, I don’t know if you have time, but would you mind if I took a video with you? I’d love to show my subscribers how I met James Rodriguez in person.”

 

James managed to nod. He was in utter shock. How was this day possible. How was Cristiano Ronaldo the one to confess admiration for him, and want to take a video with him? This was a dream.

 

Cristiano held out his phone, like he was going to take a selfie, and leaned in next to James on the counter. “Ready?”

 

James nodded again, incredulously, and Cristiano began to speak, the words blurring in and out of his shell shocked attention.

 

“Hi everyone! I just walked into Starbucks and I just ran into a Youtuber that I really admire! This is James Rodriguez everyone, and he runs this awesome beauty channel, you should check it out.”

 

James smiled and waved. “This is the best day of my life. No joke.”

 

Cristiano leaned back further so they were nearly cheek to cheek. “Oh yeah?”

 

Suddenly Cristiano turned his head to face James, the tip of his nose brushing James’s face. Before James could react, Cristiano pressed a quick kiss on his cheek.

 

“Now it’s the best day of my life too.” Cristiano quipped as James blushed bright red and hid his face in his hands.

 

 ------------------------------------------------

 

When James walked home that day, head still spinning, the apartment was fragrant with the scent of pearly sweetness. Their petals had opened in a glorious daze of blush and champagne pink petals, blooms heavy and full in the soft evening light of the window.

 

 ------------------------------------------------ 

 

James received nearly a hundred thousand new subscribers the day that video posted.


	2. Chapter 2

It was seven o’clock and Badr could browse his phone and sigh all he wanted. Cristiano was _not_ leaving the bathroom until he found his cologne.

 

“Cris, you have a million different bottles in the cabinet.” Badr called out plaintively from the bedroom. “Do you really need your Chanel for tonight?”

 

“It’s my _Gaultier_ , and _yes.”_ Cristiano growled as he overturned his makeup bag on the countertop. Normally he was much more organized than this, but him and Badr had just come back from London the day before, and he hadn’t had the time today to really unpack. He bit his lip as he quickly shifted through his cologne bottles. “Fuck, Badr, did I leave it at the hotel?”

 

“If I say yes, can we leave?” Badr’s voice carried a hint of hope.

 

“ _No_ , because I can’t leave this house smelling of cheap fragrance.” Cristiano huffed and slammed down a sample size of Dior a little too hard. “We’re going to have to drop by Marcelo’s so I can borrow his.”

 

“Marcelo? But he smells like Vicks Vapor Rub.”

 

“I gave him a bottle of Le Male for his birthday as a hint. He has it around his house somewhere.”

 

Badr swung into view, reflected in the bathroom mirror, as Cristiano began fussing with his topaz cufflinks. “Cristiano.” He warned, holding up his phone. “Google says there’s traffic to dinner, and if we swing by your friends place, we are definitely going to be late.”

 

Cristiano glared at Badr, who shrugged and waved his phone. “Hey, blame Maps, not me. I’m only the messenger.”

 

Cristiano groaned, fingers slipping at the last cufflink. Him and Badr were meeting with some representatives to finalize his commercial contract for an up and coming West Coast cosmetics brand at some self consciously hipster place in West Hollywood. He was tired, jet-lagged, and didn’t even want to leave the house, honestly. But business was business, and he would never miss out on something as important as a corporate sponsorship.

 

Suddenly, Cristiano felt arms encircling him, gently grasping his wrist. He opened his eyes to see Badr wrapped around him, hands working at the last stubborn cufflink. Despite Badr’s sheer bulk and size, his fingers quickly straightened out the pin and smoothed out his sleeve.

 

Badr let go of his sleeve, but didn’t move back. Instead, his arms wrapped around Cristiano’s shoulders, meeting his eyes squarely.

 

“It’s going to be all right.” He said calmly, confidence sure in the comfortable lines of his body. “You’re going to convince them that you’re perfect for the company, they’ll love you, and you’re going to sign tonight. You’re amazing, gorgeous and you smell great even without the fancy Italian perfume.” With those words, Badr hugged Cristiano closer, to drop an affectionate kiss on the nape of his neck.

Cristiano leaned back into Badr, soaking in his calm. He closed his eyes.

 

“Thank you.” Cristiano murmured. And then added petulantly.

 

“It’s _French_.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cristiano was nearly asleep when Badr shook him awake. Cristiano groaned and threw a cushion at him sleepily, and tried to snuggle his pillow back to sleep. No go.

 

“Cris. Cris, look at this.” Badr was now tapping his nose, an utter dick move, and Cris was going to strangle his boyfriend for cockblocking his REM cycle, if his limbs and eyelids weren’t so heavy. And what the hell? It was twelve fifteen and Badr should have been asleep an hour ago.

 

Cristiano growled and slapped Badr’s hand away. “Badr we fucking agreed that if you woke me up for a blowjob again, I got to drive your Lexus for a month.”

 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that.” Badr pleaded, all wide brown eyes. “Look at this. And it’s not about sex.”

 

Cristiano punched the bedspread and pushed himself up, bleary eyed and hair a curly mess, grabbing Badr’s phone from his hands. He swiped through a couple Instagram posts before his mind began to grasp what he was looking at.

 

“He’s…cute? Is that what you woke me up for? To ask what I think about him?”

 

Cristiano rubbed his eyes to refocus on the image of a fresh-faced boy, sunglasses and a brilliant smile, surrounded by friends around a beach pit. He swiped to the next photo, the same boy without glasses, trying beachside gymnastic rings. Swiping again showed him frozen in mid-fall, the moment before he was about to eat it on the sand.

 

“…He looks like a tourist though. Who even goes to Muscle Beach for fun?” Cristiano muttered, swiping through the rest of the boy’s IG.

 

“Why are you so judgmental about it? A lot of my friends go there once or twice to sightsee.”

 

Cristiano swiped through a couple more photos, now indoor shots of James around his apartment. All his makeup gathered on top of a white painted vanity, with some tastefully arranged sprays of bougainvillea and white sage. A selfie in bed, James with tousled hair and sweet dark eyes, and a caption shyly apologizing for his dark circles.

 

“Anyways, is he someone you know? What’s his name?” Cris asked.

 

“James Rodriguez, apparently. People keep mentioning him in your vids so I thought I should scope out your competition.”

 

Cristiano rolled his eyes and threw the phone back at Badr mock angrily. “Thank you for your support Badr. Good to know you want to fuck my rivals.”

 

“Aw, you jealous?” Badr snuggled in happily closer to Cristiano. “You wanna re-think your policy on late night blowjobs now?”

 

“Oh my God, Badr I hate you. Did you seriously plan this out?”

 

Badr batted his eyes in innocence. “Plan what out? I only wanted my boyfriends opinion on this guy, nothing more.”

 

“Oh you.” Cristiano pulled on Badr’s nose and turned back into the covers. “My sweet, darling boyfriend. Who has a perfectly good right hand to keep him company tonight.”

 

“Maybe I’ll direct message James and ask him if he’s interested in a threesome.” Badr mused sadly. “With me and Ben that is.”

 

“You know the rules. Whoever kisses him first has him.” Cris murmured, falling back to sleep already.

 

* * *

 

 

Cristiano and Badr had been together forever, at least by Grindr standards. It began with a drunken Badr collapsing on Cristiano at some bar, and giving Cris a bruise on his forehead plus a ring of hickeys two years ago. It continues with the two of them cohabiting, sharing the rent plus bills, and reminding the other about doctors appointments and whatnot. Well mostly Cris reminding Badr, who had the worst memory and never wrote any of his appointments down. And in the process of becoming a long-term couple, between sharing closet space and buying kitchen sets, they had never really tapered off seeing other people. It had just felt unnecessary.

 

Of course, they had to make rules along the way. They paid fifty-fifty on what was for both the nicest apartment either of them had ever lived in, in their entire lives. If one of them walked out, there was no finding a new roommate in time on Craigslist.

 

The first rule they had made, happened after their first almost-fight at a bar when both of them had simultaneously seen the hottest guy in the place. (Other than each other of course, so the slender blonde in a crop top and unbelievably tight pants was actually third hottest) It was simple and elegant—whoever got the guy to kiss him first got to have him first.

 

It was the rule that had stuck the longest despite all their friends saying things such as it was ‘stupid’ and ‘have you guys heard of communication’.

 

Over time, they’d added in new rules of course. Threesomes had be an enthusiastic yes from all three. Absolutely no seeing exes, including each others. Cristiano preferred knowing about the people Badr was seeing, and meeting them personally. Badr wasn’t really curious at all, past what time Cris would be back from seeing them.

 

Badr liked to make fun of Cris’s interest in his other relationships, saying it must have come from trauma to the ego. After all, that night after their almost-argument, Badr was the one winking at a glowering Cris as he walked out with the blonde cooing on his arm.

 

Cristiano always defended himself by saying that Badr only picked up twinks with daddy issues, and at least the men of his choice could appreciate real beauty.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone in Cristiano’s circle talked about how small LA really was—a village, especially if you were running a full time blog. And somehow there were a _lot_ of people on Youtube in Pasadena. Cristiano knew a couple of popular channels that even bunked in the same apartment.

 

_Still._

 

There was no way Badr was going to believe Cris when he told him he actually ran into James only two weeks after their late night conversation about it. Badr was totally going to accuse him of stalking him to the Santa Monica Starbucks where he worked.

 

Cristiano was furiously texting back a friend about coordinating a video session at the Grove, when he simply happened to look up as the person ahead of him at the counter left, and saw James Rodriguez standing behind the register.

 

James was focused on putting away the last guy’s change, but that shy smile was recognizable anywhere.

 

Cristiano honestly wasn’t going to say a word. Was there a non-creepy way to tell such an adorable person that Cris’s boyfriend creeped on his Instagram photos and videos regularly?

 

But then James looked up at him, and his eyes widened. There was a beat where James simply stared at Cristiano totally dumbstruck, and then far too quickly began speaking to cover his obvious embarrassment. James clearly recognized him, and was obviously not revolted either.

“What can I do for you?” James asked, blushing furiously, lashes down. Unbelievably long lashes.

 

 _Oh no, he’s cute._ Cristiano thought.

 

So instead of replying “Please do me”, or simply ordering coffee and moving on with his life, Cristiano made some rapid calculations.

 

James was _one hundred percent_ the type of guy Badr would bust a nut for given the chance. He had a brilliant smile and skin that looked soft as clouds, and the widest dark eyes he’d ever seen.

 

And there was no way he was letting Badr have this one.

 

So under the guise of making an impromptu video, Cristiano recorded hard proof that James was no longer fair game.

 

* * *

 

 

Badr saw the video Cristiano posted for the day while hanging out in the living room. Cristiano was in the bathroom cleaning his brushes, and he still heard Badr’s howl of betrayal. The shouting was so loud he nearly dropped his freshly clean blending brush on the floor.

 

“OH MY GOD NO.”

 

“HOW COULD YOU WHY.”

 

“CRIS I TRUSTED YOU.”

 

Loud stomp of feet making their way towards the bathroom door. Silence. Then a loud series of door pounding.

 

“WE NEED TO TALK.” Badr kept hammering on the door. It sounded like he was using closed fists.

 

Cristiano leisurely tucked away his clean brushes into his makeup bag, making sure each one went into their proper compartment. Put back his other products slowly and neatly. Checked his eyebrows in the mirror with a tweezer.

 

He opened the bathroom door wide, leaning out on the frame with a smile. “Yes, Badr? Love of my life?”

 

Badr thrust his phone in Cristiano’s face, video paused on the moment he was brushing a kiss on James’s cheek. “THIS IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR I SAW HIM FIRST AND WE CAN FORGET ABOUT DISNEYLAND FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY AND ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THREESOMES.”

 

Cristiano smiled sweetly, leaning forward. Badr’s eyes widened and he stopped mid rant as his boyfriend dropped a kiss on his nose.

 

“Not until hell itself freezes over.” Cristiano smugly pressed another kiss on Badr’s mouth.

 

(Badr was a petulant little shit for the rest of the day but it was totally worth it.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Background chapter! Hopefully I'll have a more substantial one by next week.


	3. Chapter 3

Cristiano had moved to Los Angeles for the opportunities, the short winters, and for an ex boyfriend of three summers ago of whom none of his friends mentioned by name.

He did _not_ move to Los Angeles for the dusty hiking trails around dry tumbleweedy hills that were steep as shit and hot as fuck. So while he was excited about visiting the Sunken City for his next video journaling his life (and sick threads) in LA, he was considerably less happy about the fact him and his crew had to hike there, and oh yeah, it was technically trespassing.

When he bitched about it to Badr, he only shrugged. “Cris, you poor thing. If you only had a loving boyfriend and a bit on the side to make you feel better. Oh wait.”

So Badr was still sulking a little about James, and offering no emotional support whatsoever.

Also, ‘bit on the side’ was Badr’s new favorite phrase after their trip to England, and he would _not_ stop using it to describe James, much to Cristiano’s irritation.

“Come on babe.” Cris said, batting his lashes and pouting at Badr. “You love the outdoors and nature and stuff. Sunken City would totally be up your alley.”

“One,” Badr lifted up a finger. “I’m still mad at you over James. Also the water bill this month. Your thirty minute showers are seriously screwing with our budget. Two, I’m going to the high desert this weekend with Jacob for a festival.”

“Shit, I forgot I about that.” Cristiano said. “Are you guys doing his brother’s trailer or are you going to camp out?”

“He booked a campground site, so we’re going to be roughing it.” Badr waggled his eyebrows at Cristiano. “In both senses of the word.”

“ _Ugh_.” Cristiano sniffed. “Have fun having gross tent sex in ninety degree weather.”. And then replied.

“Also if we’re talking about the budget this month, what’s going on with all the purchases from Gelsons on the credit card? I thought we agreed to get things from TJs from now on.”

“Cris.” Badr reached for Cristiano’s hand with starry eyes. “Babe. So don’t get mad at me. But there’s this flourless chocolate cake they have, and I may have had a moment of weakness—“

“What?” Cris snatched his hand from Badr’s grasp. “YOU PROMISED WE WERE GOING TO DO THE GLUTEN AND CARB FREE REGIMEN TOGETHER. YOU LITERALLY PROMISED ME BADR.”

“I know but—“

“I’VE BEEN EATING BROCOLLI AND BOILED CHICKEN BREASTS FOR TWO WEEKS SO THAT YOU WOULDN’T FEEL LIKE A WEIRDO AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE BEEN EATING FUCKING CHOCOLATE CAKE THIS WHOLE TIME?”

“Which by the way, have I mentioned that you look amazing lately?” Badr interjected with sad puppy eyes.

“GREAT THAT MEANS WHEN I POST MY NEW PHOTOS ON MY GRINDR PROFILE I’LL FIND MY NEW BOYFRIEND SO MUCH FASTER.”

“Cris, babe—“

“CHOCOLATE CAKE.”

“Sweetheart—“

“CHOCOLATE. CAKE.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, Badr was still packing last minute, chugging his breakfast smoothie in a hurry. Cristiano remained seated on the couch where he was balancing a slice of Gelson’s flourless chocolate cake on his lap.

“Are you still mad at me?” Badr asked, putting on a jacket.

 Cristiano took a bite of cake and sniffed. “Yes. You better bring me back another slice on your way back home. Maybe their pear torte too.”

 “Aw, anything for my little diva.” Badr dropped a kiss on Cristiano’s cheek from behind the couch. Cristiano crinkled up his nose but accepted it.

The truth was, Cristiano was a little unnerved at the quiet apartment once Badr had left. It wasn’t as if they were attached at the hip level of commitment, but Cristiano didn’t really like being in the apartment by himself. It felt too empty after a while, without Badr’s loud voice, echoing footsteps, or him grunting as he did reps in the living room. Him making protein shakes in the morning. Cristiano would have to get his own meals this weekend and cooking chicken and broccoli every day was a bore, honestly.

Cristiano had to get up to get to his video at one o’clock eventually. But he felt so lazy, sprawling on his wide couch, the wind drifting through the curtains.

He wanted to do something other than work this weekend. Badr was having fun, so why not him?

  
Cristiano could have texted Marcelo, who would take any excuse for a kickback. He could have texted Sergio, who was babysitting his nephews for the weekend. He could have texted any of his Grindr casuals to see if they wanted to chill for the next few days.

But instead, Cristiano found himself tapping out a message to James Rodriguez. They had exchanged numbers after that little stunt in James’s workplace.

_Hey. are you doing anything?_

* * *

 

By the time Cristiano had showered, gotten ready, and was heading out towards San Pedro, he had forgotten about the text. James hadn’t replied, and after a while Cristiano had to make his lazy ass get off the couch.

Sunken City was honestly...not as bad as Cris thought it would be. Sure, the hike out there was as dusty as he expected, which was why he bought all his outfits to model in a neat little tote. And yes, him and the video crew did have to shimmy their way underneath a chain link fence that had a large hollow underneath it where other people had snuck under.

But the beach was always beautiful in Los Angeles. Cris really didn’t make enough time to go there, even though he loved the energy. The constant waves, the blue water, and the soft crumbly orange cliffsides dotted with anemones. Half of the reason he had moved out here was for the water.

Cristiano had just finished doing his walk and poses for his last outfit, standing next to the graffiti concrete slabs and rocks, when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

Pulling it out, as the crew was packing up, Cris saw James’s name on his screen.

_Sorry! I had work this morning!_

_I’m free now though?_

_What are you doing?_

Cris tapped out a message. _I’m at Sunken City right now. Just finished though. Do you wanna meet up?_

* * *

 

The reply came back almost instantly. _Sure! Where do you wanna meet?_

Cris paused. _Anywhere’s good. You pick a place._

James didn’t text back until Cris was nearly to his car, parked by the roadside.

 

_How about Santa Monica? You can meet me by the pier?_

_Sure. Sounds fun._

 

One of the video crew guys was looking curiously at Cris. “Texting your boyfriend?”

Cris smiled back. “Naw, just a friend.”

“Mmhmm. Sure. A friend. You looking all happy and giggly like you texting someone you like, don’t play.”

“No, he really is just a friend. Although….”

“Well, if _that’s_ how things are. Send him like a heart emoji.”

“Why?”

“So that he knows you wanna suck his dick.”

Cris didn’t drop his phone, but it was a near thing.

 

And then he saw the slip of paper inserted into his windshield wiper. His blood turned cold. Cris quickly checked the side of car, and confirmed his worst fears—a bright orange clamp was over his front tire.

 _“Fuck.”_ Cris gritted out loudly.

He knew Sunken City was a bad idea.

And also why was the street parking sign so complicated? It said two hour parking from 8 to 6 PM…oh, except on Saturdays. Fuck.

“Well that sucks.” The crew guy looked at his car with sympathy. “Are they going to impound it?

“Seems like it.” Cris took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm down, pacing up and down the asphalt. Never mind that now his weekend was shot to complete shit. He could take Ubers around, but now he was going to have to pony up the cash to get his vehicle out of car jail, and that was going to really fuck with the budget. Badr was never going to let this go when he got home. Cris might even have to buy Badr Gelson’s chocolate cake this round.

He waved off the video crew guys who offered him a ride, (who had been smart enough to find street parking in the residential areas a few blocks away) since they were heading out to Van Nuys, way too far for them to drop him off.

Shit. Should he just try to go home and fix this now? Or should he still go to Santa Monica?

Wavering, Cris texted James. _Fuck, James Im sorry but my car is getting impounded. I don’t have a way to get to you rn. Next time maybe._

Cris was texting Badr the bad news, when James’s reply chirped on his phone.

 

 _That sucks._ _:(((((((_

_Do you need a ride? I can come get you? Sunken City’s not super far away from where I am._

Cris stared at his phone.

Fuck, should he?

No, he shouldn’t. He should be responsible. Get an Uber, try to figure out where his car was going, then try to find the cash to pay up. Go home and get the house super clean and lube up his asshole for Badr because his boyfriend was going to ride him until the end of the universe for this.

This was all Badr’s fault somehow. Badr would have driven. Badr would have read the street sign, painstakingly and carefully, while Cris bitched at him to hurry up, until he was dead sure he wasn’t going to get ticketed for this. Badr got so many tickets when he first came to LA that he swore he would never get another fucking citation ever again.

Yeah, the hell with Badr, Cris pouted. He might as well go. There was no way his car was getting towed anytime soon, and he wouldn’t be able to find out which impound center it was going to for at least a few hours.

 

_Could you? I would really appreciate this. I wanna get my mind off this for the afternoon, at least._

 

* * *

 

 

Okay, so when James’s car finally appeared over the bend of the hills, Cris may have had to fight a burst of laughter.

It was just so janky looking. It had scrapes and scratches all along his bumper and sides. The hood was a different color from the rest of it. And as James drove up, Cris could see the interior was a radical shade of forest green.

Then again, it wasn’t like Cris didn’t come to the city driving his own busted down set of wheels. His had been a blue Chevrolet minivan that Badr couldn’t make enough fun of, calling him a suburban mom for it. Of course, Badr warmed up to it more once he found how great it was for road trips and camping, easily holding all the supplies they needed for weeks on end. Like, they even had room for two iceboxes—the food one and the alcohol one.

 

“Ah, my prince in shining armor.” Cris called out as James slowed down in front of him.

“Hi Cristiano! Sorry about my car, I know its messy looking. But it drives fine enough.” James looked sheepish as he unlocked the doors.

“Don’t worry about it. Seriously, thank you for coming all the way out here. The Uber would have been expensive.”

“Not a problem! Just message me if you need a ride anywhere else, I’m off this weekend.” James’s smile was easy, but he still blushed a little at his own words, and he looked down. “So…where do you wanna go?”

“Well…I wouldn’t mind heading to Santa Monica pier? If it isn’t too much trouble. I could get an Uber there easy to pick the car up later.”

James hummed as he did a u turn, and began to drive, over the hills, back to the main city. “I can drop you off too. It’s really no trouble.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.” Cris teased. “No, but thank you. I know it was extra trouble for you.”

“No, I’m glad to help.” James said firmly. “I really wanted to see you again.”

 

* * *

 

 

The car ride itself was…surprisingly nice. All things considered.

Like yes, the forest green plastic seats were sticky af. And the AC on James’s car didn’t work.

But the day outside was gorgeous—that cloudless day in early fall, but the marine layer coming in keeping the coastline cool. The curving road, passing through the beachfront houses, some just a cozy line of cabins facing out, and sprawling McMansions deeper and higher into the chaparral hills. The air coming in through the windows was pleasantly cool on Cris’s skin.

Cris had been afraid that this car ride would be somehow awkward. He didn’t really know James after all. Just what he could glean from social media posts and youtube videos. James struck him primarily as earnest, almost painfully so. And also a little shy. That could easily have made the atmosphere in the car sticky.

But it wasn’t.

James as he drove, slowly came at ease, as he answered Cris’s questions about himself. At first he had been a little awkward and had kept to polite questions. What Cris was doing. What inspired him to do vlogging. Soforth and soforth.

But when Cris began asking him about where James had come from, and why, James answered him truthfully. He was from Florida, from a giant clan that was scattered throughout the state, but centered mostly in Jacksonville. Yes, he’d been to Disneyworld and it was _incredible_. No, it did not even compare to Disneyland. Yes, he was saying Disneyland was shitty in comparison, and anyone who argued otherwise could suck it. Yes, he was telling Cris to suck it. And seriously, Cris’s favorite ride was the Dumbo elephants? His was Space Mountain, like literally everyone else on the planet, because Space Mountain was scientifically the fucking shit. Cris was clearly delusional and trying to play like he was special, but he knew in his heart, that Space Mountain would and always be the best ride at Disneyland.

Wait, Cris knew someone whose favorite ride was It’s a Small World? What kind of weirdos was he rolling with?

(Badr.)

Cris couldn’t help looking when James was laughing, face lit up and shoulders shaking. James was just so…pure. He was what he was on the surface—earnest, shy. And yet more.

(Badr would love him.)

 

* * *

 

 

They got to Santa Monica, and by the powers of hail marys, even found a parking spot in the main parking lot right by the pier.

“So...how long can you stay for?” James asked as they got out of the car.

“I can stay for a few hours. My car will show up on the registry online in a few hours, and I’ll pick it up then.”

“Sweet. Hey, you wanna go halfsies on some food? There’s like funnel cake here, and there’s always a lady selling that fruit with the chili and lime on top down on the beach.

“Fuck yeah. Wait, I’m on a carb-free diet. Shit.”

“Just go for it, dude. Treat yourself 2016.”

“Treat yoself 2016.” Cris corrected. “You watch Parks and Rec?”

“I love it.” James replied seriously. “Like there’s only two kinds of people in this world. People who watch Parks and Rec and people who don’t.”

“Seriously. Remember the episode when Jerry said he got mugged but he actually fell into a stream?”

“That was hilarious. And then April and Andy go walking around the park and Andy gives April a piggyback ride and fakes like she’s too heavy at first, and then goes ‘just kidding, im super strong’.”

“They’re so adorable. I think my boyfriend and I are totally like April and Andy.”

“Oh…you have a boyfriend?” James asked, after a beat.

“Yeah…he’s off doing his thing this weekend in the desert with the guy he’s dating. Bastard, having fun without me.”

“Oh….” James trailed. “I thought…you mean the guy you said was your roommate? I didn’t know you guys were dating. And open." 

“I keep it off the videos for the most part.” Cris said casually, picking up a bite of spicy sour watermelon. “After the whole Reddit thing…I don’t want Badr coming in for that kind of negativity. Better to keep it private." 

“Yeah…I get that. That was pretty shitty.” James said.

There was a silence for a bit, as James and Cristiano both chewed on their respective bites of fruit. 

“Off topic, but I think the Parks and Rec character you’re most like….is Jerry.”

“What?” James was surprised into laughter. “Please. And after I drove all that way to pick you up. You can walk back to Pasadena, you jerk.” 

“Hey, I’m just saying I think you’re exactly the kind of guy who would fake being mugged, because he was too embarrassed to admit he fell into a stream.”

“Are you saying I have a cube butt too?” James swatted at him. “Give me that fruit salad, you don’t deserve any of it!”

"Oh, that looks fun.” Cris pointed at the sidewalks, where some people were riding beach cruisers, to distract James from taking his fruit.

“Yeah it does.” James turned to look at them, giving Cris the opportunity he needed to wolf down another bite of pineapple. “Do you wanna try it? We could rent the bikes and just ride alongside the shore.”

Cris nodded as James turned back to look at him, his mouth too full of fruit to answer back.

“Did you seriously eat all of the fruit? I just want you to know that’s cold as fuck.”

 

* * *

 

 

James had just paid for his bike, and was taking it in hand when Cristiano thought to check his phone for his car.

He entered his license plate, and idly waited as the guy in front finished rummaging in the back for a helmet. Then he saw where the impound center was. Looked up where it was on Google maps.

His blood ran cold for the second time that day.

“Oh, my God.” He muttered.

“What is it?” James asked, idling closer to Cris curiously.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. James, I’m sorry but I have to go.”

“What happened?” James looked worried.

“The impound center that has my car is closing in thirty minutes. It’s not that far from here…but it’s like peak time for Uber and traffic's murder right now.”

“Shit…” James said. “That’s too bad…I can still take you though.”

“No, I’m sorry, you already rented out your bike and everything. I’m really sorry to back out like this. I promise to make it up to you next time.” Cris felt a pang of regret. He didn’t want his time with James to end like this.

James bit his lip, thinking. “Wait. Where is the place exactly?”

Cris showed James his phone. “It’s really not that far…maybe two miles out. It’s just everything here is jammed.”

“Yeah…and you have to request an Uber, wait for it to arrive, and then drive out to it….You might be too late after all that.”

“I have to try…Oh my God, I can’t imagine how expensive an Uber from Santa Monica to Pasadena would even be.”

“Wait. We could actually try biking there? It might be faster to do that and split lanes rather than taking a car. And like you said, it’s not super far.”

Cris paled at the thought. “I don’t know…I’m okay for biking if its on sidewalks and everything but I’m not so sure about city biking.”

“It’s pretty simple, once you get used to it.” James paused. “This bike actually has a little backseat. You could ride on the back and just hang on to me.”

“Um.” Cris couldn’t even begin to list the ways this was a bad idea. James wasn’t a twig, but he couldn’t imagine how James could manage bicycling with Cris’s weight in the back. And Cris didn’t know how safe he still felt about bicycling in the middle of traffic.

But shit. Waiting for an Uber would probably make him too late. Taking any car right now was likely not going to make it in time.

And also, he didn’t want to say no to James, somehow. Even though his brain was screaming that he was going to die and look dumb and have helmet hair.

“…All right.”

* * *

 

 

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod” Cris kept muttering as James biked through the street, throbbing with cars only making inches per traffic light.

James was…surprisingly strong. He biked with ease, even with Cris behind him. Cris was content to hang on tightly to James, and try to be as small as he could possibly make himself, as to make the turns easier on him. He also kept his eyes closed for most of it. If death in a truck or semi came for them, he’d rather it happen without him knowing.

James laughed as Cris tightened his grip when a car blared its horn at them when they took a turn through the intersection. “Relax. It’s going to be all right.”

“I am so stupid and we are both going to die and its all Badr’s fucking fault.” Cris shakily whimpered back, as he burrowed even closer to James, eyes shut. How far away was this place anyways? They had taken so many turns and hills, and Cris wasn't sure how much more his heart could take.

James came to a sharp stop, and Cris’s heart stopped with it. “Oh my God, are we here?”

“Nope.” James replied cheerily. “That was like, half a mile in. We still have like two miles to go.”

“What?” Cris’s voice had a dangerous edge of hysteria in it.

“Just kidding, we’re here.” Cris opened his eyes to see the impound center beside them, and them safely stopped near the sidewalk, with no imminent cars coming for them.

“That. Wasn’t. Funny.” Cris enunciated, slowly, slowly, turning to look at James who was pulling off his helmet.

“That’s for saying I’m Jerry.”

 

* * *

 

Cristiano _had_ made it in time, though just barely. He waited out front as someone pulled his car out, James beside him. The day was darkening into a grey wash, and the streetlights were turning on. The sun had sunk, leaving only a brilliant purple sky with hibiscus pink clouds—the stereotypical LA city sunset, that was yet rare enough.

“Hey. I had a really nice time today.” Cris said to James, who was trying to catch an Eevee on his phone. He looked up to smile at Cris. The air felt strangely shy, now that it was clear the day was really almost over.

“Yeah. Me too.” James replied.

There was a silence.

“I don’t really think you’re a Jerry, by the way.” Cris said.

James lifted his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“You’re more of a Ben. You're a nerd, and your helmet hair is dorky, but you're here for anyone when they need it.” Somehow the air felt even more serious, and James was staring at Cris with an inscrutable expression, but he felt like he had to keep going forward. “Plus you’re a really good person inside. I can tell.” Cris licked his mouth in nervousness.

James blinked, and then smiled, a small one that could barely be seen by the dim light. “I don’t know why, but that made me think of that episode where Andy gives everyone ridiculous code names when Leslie’s running for City Council.”

“Oh yeah?” Cris asked, stupidly. Somehow his brain wouldn’t work. He couldn’t really remember what James was referring too, but he felt he had to say something.

At that moment, Cris’s car finally showed up in front of them. The person driving it came out of the front seat, and nodded to Cris. It was time.

Cris looked at James, and James smiled back. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll bike back, it’ll be a nice ride.”

“Seriously. It was fun. Let’s do this again.”

“Yeah, no I get it. See you.”

There was a beat where Cris was aware that he could have walked up to kiss James goodbye, like as if this was the end of the date. The atmosphere felt like it, even if this was nothing but a friendly hangout. He could have stepped into James’s space, to drop a chaste kiss on the cheek, and duck back.

But instead, after the moment, James waved at Cris, took up the bike, and began to pedal back. Cris got inside the car, and in the silence of the car, inputted his address to his phone. Shifted the gears. Started driving.

He thought idly about James all the way back on the highway. Just how…unexpectedly nice hanging out with him had been. How easy it had been to talk to him. The hardness of James’s body under Cris’s grip, how easily he had maneuvered the bike even with Cris’s deadweight to manage.

The feeling of flying he had in the pit of his stomach, as James and him coasted down a long incline, the sound of the bike chain running with the shop lights blurring by them, the light around them golden so that flecks of dandelion puffs drifting by them lit up like tiny fireflies.

 

* * *

 

 

When Cris finally got back into his apartment, darkened and cool, he checked his phone for messages.

They were all from Badr.

_Cris OMG!! Borns just played their set and they fucking killed it!!!!_

_also I may have broke someone’s phone and im hiding in the tent until they give up and go away._

_ALSO YOU GOT YOUR CAR IMPOUNDED????_

A set of angry face emojis with three knife emojis.

_Bae you better be wearing the good lingerie when I get back_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was unbelievably late, sorry for the delay! Grad school is kicking ass and taking names.
> 
>  
> 
> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NLbmpqUEXk]()


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